


Moving On

by Diary



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Bisexual Chris Hughes (ATWT), Bisexual Male Character, Canon Gay Character, Dubious Consent, Family, Friendship/Love, Late Night Conversations, M/M, POV Multiple, Reid Oliver Lives, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 08:16:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6276661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Repost. "But that’s not going to happen, and I spent this morning having sex with you instead of breakfast with him. I got over you, and I’ll get over him. Right now, it hurts less to deal with you." Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moving On

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own As the World Turns.
> 
> Author's Notes: For anyone curious about the dubious consent tag, see the bottom for details.

From his place on the bed, Chris mutters, “Damn it, Oliver.”

Slipping his shirt on, Reid declares, “I’m not deliberately cruel. Or I usually try not to be.”

“And I’m not in love with you.”

“I’ve seen that look before,” Reid retorts. He starts trying to track down his socks. “Whatever you want to call it.”

He pauses, and Chris props himself up.

“How do you see this ending, Doogie? I don’t like you. My trust in you is extremely limited. Luke- let’s face it, I never had a real shot. I knew that going in. It’s a defect on my part, going for emotionally unavailable guys, who, ironically, always accuse me of me the heartless one. The least I can do is not go for the one who I already know can and will hurt me.”

Chris bites down the urge to protest he won’t hurt Reid this time.

Sighing, he tosses the sock he palmed to Reid. Concentrating, he stands up and brings Reid’s fingers to his temporal pulse. “Here’s how I see this ending: Luke realises he overreacted to the Invicta sell. He comes back. I stay until the end of the month and go to Haiti. Was I in love you with at one point? Maybe. Do I regret how I handled things? Yes. What do I want right now? Sex, pure and simple.”

“Pulse increased, pupils-”

Reaching over, Chris grabs the wrist of Reid’s free hand and shakes it until Reid drops the sock. He brings the hand below his waist. “Not deception,” he answers. “I’ve never denied how physically attractive I found you, and I remember you in bed well enough.”

Reid looks him straight in the eye with his finger gentle but persistent on the pulse for three beats. “I do still care about you,” he says, and Chris ignores the stab going through his heart. “I don’t play games, a fact you know better than Luke.”

No reaction, and Chris is suddenly grateful for the past few weeks of pain. He reminds himself not to get too happy or proud.

“Is this just sex, Christopher? Or are you going to end up wanting something I never can and never will give you?”

“Sex, pure and simple,” he repeats.

He forces himself to stay under control and not fidget while Reid studies him. Then, the fingers on his temporal pulse leave go up to his hair, and Reid leans forward to kiss him.

He lets himself sigh, lets his heart beat unnaturally fast, lets his pulse race, and doesn’t worry about his pupils dilating.   

…

Two days later, his blood results come back.

The virus he struggled with and managed to beat while overseas is back.

Leaning against the lounge couch, he looks around. He knows the list of people who will tear him to shreds if they find out he’s been in wilful denial for several weeks.

His dad wants Reid for Chief of Staff, Katie is determined to have him married with a kid on the way as soon as possible, and for all he knows, the virus has already compromised the heart muscle. He’ll always be the screw up son and has never wanted such a position. He understands where Katie’s coming from, but his patience for her matchmaking is wearing thinner than ever, and he can probably get antivirals without any problems, but an MRI requires help. The moment he lets someone in and has it done, his parents and everyone else on the list will know.

There’s only a month left until his trip to Haiti. Once he’s out of Oakdale city limits, he can find out where he wants to go and what he needs to do.

The door opens, and Reid comes in. The expression on his face makes it clear he just made another nurse cry. Before Chris can ask for a description so he can track her down and assure her, once things smooth over with Dr Oliver and Luke Snyder, the former will occasionally resemble an actual human being, Reid looks at him with observant eyes and notes, “You look like crap, Doogie.”

“It’s been a bad day,” he answers. “Who’d you make cry, Oliver?”

Before Reid can answer, his cell phone rings, and he leaves to answer it.

Hopefully, Chris reflects, it’s Luke. Luke will finally have remembered, oh, yeah, he fell in love with a brilliant, empathy-challenged jackass, who, nevertheless, gave up a successful practise to stay in a small little town for him. Of all the things Reid has done, can do, and will do, needing some time to figure out how to tell his boyfriend about an admittedly unfair ultimatum shouldn’t even rate.

Sex will only exacerbate the virus, and it’d be just his luck Reid would figure it out while they were doing it.

The simple answer would be to turn down any offers, but he knows himself well enough to know he won’t.

…

Standing in Chris’s doorway with a six-pack of Chris’s favour beer, Reid says, “As much as I’d prefer not to admit this, I need your help. So, what sort of bribery am I going to have to resort to?”

Chris stands aside and motions to the fridge. “Why don’t you get Luke to help you?”

Honing in on the cookies a patient made, Reid answers, “There has to be a limit to my masochistic tendencies.”

“Reid, Luke has tried to talk to you five times that I know of,” Chris answers.

Once upon the time, he’d’ve used Reid’s issues to his advantage, but he’s grown up. He’s not going to get Reid to fall out of love with Luke, and even if he somehow could, the price would be a heartbroken Reid and no guarantee he’d be the one Reid took comfort in. 

He’s aware the second part shouldn’t even be a consideration, but his first bout with the virus brought a new sense of self-honesty for virtues and faults both to him.

“And I’ve talked to him every time,” Reid answers with a shrug. “He’ll get over it, go off to L.A., and I’ll just be a blip on his radar. Just this guy he might occasionally take five seconds to think of when he thinks of his epic love story with Noah Mayer. So,” he says with faux excitement colouring his voice, “bribery?”

“He isn’t worth it?”

“I’m worth more,” is the answer. “Learned that the hard way. He blackmailed me, got me stuck in this miserable little town, helped me only when it was Noah’s ass on the line, and somehow, I still managed to fall for him. My respect for psychology as a legitimate medicine has steadily risen in the past few months. We’ve never even had sex,” he adds, and Chris really wishes Reid just hadn’t told him this. “On top of everything, I could have given up the neurological wing for him, too, resigned from here. But there has to be a line,” he repeats.

“Alright,” Chris says with a sigh. “Don’t think I have a sordid interest in your love life, okay? You want my help, you tell me what you want, Reid. I’ve never seen you in love before. So, you do all this for Luke, and what were you hoping the trade-off would be?”

“A chance,” Reid answers. “He knows the important parts, but he doesn’t know me. I know him fairly well. We could be good together.”

“Fair enough,” Chris says. “What do you need?”

“How do I not make the incompetent, overly-weepy nurses leak? In Dallas, they were made of tougher stuff.”

“Appalling people skills, it is.” He goes to get a glass of water.

…

An hour later, he finds himself laughing and looks up to see Reid looking at him intently.

A chill goes through him, and there’s a painful ache to his heart.

“You’ve seen me in love before.”

“Don’t,” he orders. “You want sex, I’m there, for now, at least. You want help with your people skills, I can be bribed. The past stays, Oliver.”

“What’s going on with you, Doogie?”

He simply looks at him.

“You haven’t drank any of the beer or protested when I ate your cookies. Lately, you’ve been paler than normal, had trouble concentrating, and I’m starting to doubt your persistent bug claim.”

“It’s a bug,” he insists, “and it hasn’t been affecting my work. Don’t make something out of nothing, Dr Oliver.”

Reid looks less-than-convinced, but thankfully, he simply stretches and stands up. “Tomorrow, same time, good?”

“Yeah, come over.”

Nodding, Reid stops when he gets to the recliner, and his fingers go to the temporal pulse. Closing his eyes and focusing on keeping everything steady, Chris leans into the touch. “Take care of yourself, Doogie.”

…

In retrospect, he knows Reid.

Moreover, Reid giving up is something people who’ve only been in Reid’s presence for five minutes can make a safe guess on not happening, ever.

“You fell asleep,” Reid says after dragging him away from a nurse.

“Okay.” He shakes the hand off and closes the door to the room. “I took a break, forgot to clock out, and decided to take a nap. Believe it or not, this is exactly the type of battle a good Chief of Staff doesn’t want to fight.”

“You decided to take a nap.”

“I had trouble sleeping last night.”

“You’ve been handing in scripts for antivirals, and almost a month ago, you sent in a test on unlabelled blood.”

He forces himself to stand at full height. “Are you accusing me of something?”

“How ominous,” Reid comments. “At the moment, I’m trying to figure out if I need to be accusing you of something.”

“My patients are none-

“I’ve treated patients off the chart, Dr Hughes,” he snaps. “That isn’t what this is. You’re sick. This isn’t a bug. Despite our professional and personal disagreements, I’ve always thought you were a good doctor. Bizarrely, I actually like your dad. Most of the time, anyways. You tell me what in the hell is going on right now, or I will cause a scene. I will have Bob give you a check-up himself.”

“Good luck with that,” he answers with a confidence he doesn’t feel. “What is or isn’t going on with me, I’m not contagious, and my job isn’t being affected. My business. Besides Luke and Katie, my dad is the only friend you have in this town, and he’ll always place my mother above you. If I have to appeal to her, I’m not above it. _Katie_ will always place Mom above you, and- Luke, do you honestly think he’s going to take on all of them for you? He dumped you after how many days of officially dating?”

Before Reid can respond, the sound of them being paged fills the room.

…

He’s relieved when Reid doesn’t show up at his apartment after rounds and tries to focus on this instead of his pounding pulse and erratic, painful heartbeats.

…

The next day, Reid is waiting for him in the reception area. “Dr Hughes, I need a consult.”

“Alright, just let me clock in,” he says.

The receptionist looks at him with wide, sympathetic eyes, and he gives her a reassuring smile.

He barely has time to sign his name before Reid is snapping his fingers, “Now, Doogie Hughes. I’m missing a breakfast thing with Luke for this.”

“Oh,” he says. “You two back together?”

“No,” Reid answers.

“Well, maybe, if you can get through breakfast without screwing-”

“There isn’t going to be breakfast. I’m missing it. Didn’t we just establish that?”

Sighing, he stops when Reid does and realises they’re in the empty save for them employee lounge. “And here I thought I might have to deal with an actual patient you’d emotionally traumatised,” he mutters. “You’re missing breakfast with the man you love so that we can go over notes.”

“No, I’m not,” Reid answers. He closes the door and locks it.

“Reid,” he says.

Closing the blinds, Reid says, “I’m missing it for this.”

Then, he’s being kissed, and it takes a sharp pain in his heart for him to reorient himself and break the kiss. “What in the hell- Oh, uh, look-”

He needs to sit down, drink some water, and see if taking an icy cold shower is going to cause a shock to his system. 

Reid, however, is in no mood for giving him time to mentally, emotionally, or physically get his bearings, and he feels fingers on his temporal pulse. “If you don’t want this, tell me.”

Aside from the fact they’re in the hospital and his dad has a master key, Chris knows how much worse this could make his heart. He knows he should stop lying about not wanting Reid beyond sex. Some part of him isn’t sure he does want this with all the above factors in place.

On the other hand, he’s leaving soon, his health is already irrevocably shot, and in counter to the unsure part, the other part of him knows he’s going to hate himself if he doesn’t do this.

“I want this,” he says. Leaning into the touch, he kisses Reid.

Soon enough, he’s against the wall with some vague part of his brain making a sarcastic note of the couch they’re not using.

Every touch brings a combination of pain and pleasure. One of Reid’s hands is around his wrist with the fingers on the pulse points while mouthing gently at his neck, and he concentrates on being quiet and ignores the sharp pains from his chest and the feeling of there not being enough air in lungs.

Horrifyingly, he hears the words, far-off, but definitely his, “I love you.”

Reid brings his fingers from the wrist up to the neck and moves them to find his temporal pulse. Then, he softly says, “You should have told me that years ago.” He pulls away and continues, “And now, you’re going to tell me what’s going on.”

…

As they clean up, Chris refuses to say anything.

Reid is even more of a jackass than he realised. He used sex as a tool of manipulation.

Reid’s always claimed to be above such things, and Chris can’t quite get himself to believe Reid isn’t.

There’s a firm pressure on his wrist. “You can’t come back from it, Christopher. We both know that.”

He supposes he might as well admit this.

“Go to my dad, and I’ll tell him and everyone else what just happened.” Seeing the look on Reid’s face, he continues, “I consented, but you knew I was sick, and you had a good idea that I felt more than I was letting on, or else, you wouldn’t have tried this; always try to go with that which you think has the best chance of working, right, Dr Oliver? And I’m just pissed off enough that seeing everyone who loves me, everyone who hates you, and Luke going after you would be worth everyone knowing I’m not as straight as I’ve always presented myself.”

There’s a nod, and pale eyes bore into his.

“I need some water,” he mutters.

…

“Well,” Reid says, “you know that, if you don’t go to Bob, I will.” There’s a knock on the door, and he yells, “Go away, and get your coffee fix elsewhere!”

“Professional,” Chris comments.

Shrugging, Reid gets up and unlocks the door. “I know the consequences if you tell, Doogie. I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t willing to face them.”

“Have you no shame, at all?”

“Not in this instance.” He opens the door. “You have until the end of my rounds.”

Chris sighs, closes his eyes, and listens as the footsteps fade away. His body is still buzzing with what just happened, and the words keep playing in his head.

Some part of it is a relief.

He disagrees with Reid on handling patients, has little patience for his quirks, and knows, just as he did years ago, he doesn’t want his parents or anyone else knowing. He doesn’t want to be seen as anything other than heterosexual, especially since he’s not completely convinced he isn’t with the one bizarre exception of Reid. He’s not ready right now, but he still dreams of finding the right woman, getting married, and having babies. No matter how much he wants Reid, he doesn’t want a visible relationship with him.

I’m still in love with Reid Oliver, he realises.

“Dr Hughes, are you alright,” someone asks. “You look horrible. Sorry. Uh, do you need to go home? I can tell your father for you.”

Opening his eyes, he shakes his head. “Actually, I need to talk to him. Do you know where he is?”

…

“Dr Oliver!” He dad waves Reid into the room before he can protest.

“Nice hospital gown, Doogie,” Reid comments. He reaches over to take the chart. “What’d you do, get caught playing doctor with a nurse?”

“Dad-”

“Huh, virus attacking the heart, compromised heart muscle, dear God, Bob, what has your son gotten himself into?”

“Dr John Dixon will be here shortly,” his dad says. Then, sighing, he kisses him on the head. “I’m not happy, Christopher, but we can get into that once we get you better. If Dr Oliver is willing to help-”

“I’m there,” Reid say. “No, Doogie, you don’t get your preferences indulged. We both know I’m too involved to just walk away, now. Tell me, Bob, what exactly we’re looking at and who Dixon is. Most importantly, is he in anyway affiliated with or supportive of Channing?”

…

At around lunchtime, Luke shows up. “Hey, Chris.” Pouring him a glass of water, he asks, “Are you doing okay?”

“Small town gossip, huh,” Chris jokes.

“Reid explained you’re the reason he missed breakfast,” Luke informs him. “He’s been worried about you for some time.”

“Right,” Chris says.

Some part of him is tempted to tell Luke exactly why Reid missed breakfast.  Instead, he says, “I’m sorry about that.”

“I’m just glad Drs Bob and Dixon will be able to help you. Is there anything I can do?”

“No,” he answers. “Are you and Reid rescheduling?”

From the doorway, Reid declares, “That’s none of your business.” Then, with softer eyes, he inquires, “What are you doing here, Luke?”

Shaking his head, Luke stands up. “Leaving. I’ll see you, later?” He puts a hand on Reid’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Reid answers with his eyes still painfully soft. Once Luke is gone, he pre-emptively says, “Not a word, Christopher.”

“Never seen you so tentative. Afraid, even.”

“Yeah, well,” Reid answers, “Noah did a number on him, and I came screwed up. He wants true love, and we both know my idea of sentiment is not eating the last donut.”

“You don’t have to justify your cowardice to me, Oliver.”

“Says the man lucky to still be alive,” is the calm retort. 

“I came to terms with the possibility of dying the last time I faced this,” he answers. “There’s a laundry list of regrets in life. I meant what I said, you know. It wasn’t just heat of the moment.”

“Chris-”

“If you didn’t love Luke, right or wrong, the truth is that I’d be trying to get you back.”

“He’s told me all about his laundry list,” Reid answers. Reaching down to check Chris’s pulse, he continues, “He expected me to- he expected it to be a dealbreaker. I hated him when I first came here, and it’d be pointless to deny otherwise.”

Making a note in the chart, he says, “Whenever I’ve bothered to give the idea any thought, I’ve always thought being in love means loving everything that makes a person who they are. Obviously, that can be dangerous, and sometimes, it’s better not be with someone no matter how much you love them, but Luke- it seems, Doogie, he thinks I want or expect him to be someone different. I don’t. I want him to take care of his kidney, and I want him to get over Noah and be happy.”

“But that’s not going to happen, and I spent this morning having sex with you instead of breakfast with him. I got over you, and I’ll get over him. Right now, it hurts less to deal with you.”

…

“Hello, Luke.”

Looking up, Luke forces a smile. “Hey, Dr Hughes. I’m sorry about Chris. If there’s anything I can do let me know, okay?”

_I spent this morning having sex with you instead of breakfast with him._

He tries to shake the thoughts away. Chris is apparently bisexual or closeted or, it’d be just Luke’s luck, straight but inexplicably in love with Reid. And he and Reid had sex on the morning Luke had finally decided, to hell with everything, he was going to kiss Reid senseless and beg, if he had to, for a chance.

He’s sure Reid would have some thought about love –yeah, on top of everything else, why not add he’s dangerously close to finding himself in love- not being about begging unless it’s the fun, sex-related type. The fact is, though, Luke has long accepted part of his issues is, whether he logically knows better or not, he can’t believe love is something just given to him.     

Chris could be dying, Bob and Kim are going to have to deal John Dixon’s arrival on top of everything, and the bare minimum Luke can do is not have thoughts about their son and Reid having sex while in their presence.

“Thank you,” Bob says. He sits down. “Listen, Luke. I’m sorry about the ultimatum. I should have talked to you and Reid, together, and seen if we could have come up with a solution.”

“It’s fine,” he insists. “Dr Hughes, you shouldn’t be worried about me, or even Reid, at the moment.”

“I disagree,” Bob says. Reaching over, he pats Luke’s hand. “I tried to help when your mother had issues with your sexuality. However, the truth is, as ashamed as I am to admit it, there are times old prejudices rear up. I was annoyed with you both, Reid especially, and I didn’t stop to think past that. Telling a doctor they have to put hospital politics above their loved one- I never would have done that if it were a man and a woman.”

Taking a deep breath, Luke nods. “Thank you. For admitting that. It means a lot. And I don’t like it, but the fact it comes from- I don’t know, the lack of being able to fully empathise, for lack of a better description, than disgust, that makes it better. Some.”

“Part of the reason you and Reid haven’t seen much of one another is due to Reid suspecting something was going on with my son. As thankful as I am he refused to give up, I know it’s not fair to either of you that he’s been so focused on that.”

“We’re not together. Don’t worry about it.”

“You might be, if not for that,” Bob answers. “Luke, Reid is a good man and a better doctor. I worry about him.”

“Dr Hughes, you worry about everyone,” he points out.

“One prejudice I’ll likely never be able to shake is the belief that loners can never be truly happy. Family, love, those have always been the most important things to me. He’s quite taken with you, Luke. And from what I’ve seen, it’s mutual.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “It is. But I think he’s moved on.”

At Bob’s raised eyebrow, he mentally slaps himself.

In truth, he hadn’t heard much through the slightly opened door. People kept coming down the hallway, and when they did, he’d stood casually against the wall. From what he did hear, it seemed as if they used to be together, and aside from hooking up, they aren’t, now. He’d also gotten the feeling Chris wanted them to be.

None of which Luke is going to tell Bob.

“I mean,” he feels the blush spread, “there are other gay men in this town. And I think he’s been spending more time in someone else’s bed than his own.”

“Some people deal with heartbreak in such a way,” Bob notes. His eyes land on where the kidney scar is underneath Luke’s shirt. “I advise you to talk to him and see if he’s replaced you in his heart.”

With one last pat, Bob leaves.

 …

Later, he’s waiting in Katie’s apartment when Reid comes home.

“Who let you in, and what are you doing here,” Reid inquires.

“Hello to you, too,” Luke teases.

“I need a shower,” is Reid’s only response.

Sighing, Luke stands up and reaches out. “Katie’s busy with Kim, and Casey and Alison have essentially kidnapped Jacob. They’re taking him to meet my brother and some of his friends in Seattle. Aaron’s been wanting to see the baby for a long time. Katie gave me a key, told me to make myself at home.”

“Okay.” Reid tries to move past him.

“Okay? That’s all?”

“Luke,” Reid says, “I have had a relentlessly bad day. I don’t have time for you. I’m going to take a shower, crash for an hour, and then, go try to save Doogie Hughes’s miserable life.”

He recoils, but before Reid can get past, he pushes the pain aside. Reaching out, he puts his hand on Reid’s cheek. “How do I make you feel?”

Sighing, Reid’s shoulders slump. He shakes his head and looks at Luke with tired eyes. “Like I’m crawling out of my skin,” he answers. “I refuse to find myself babbling, again.”

Leaning forward, Luke tries to kiss him, but Reid stops him. “No.”

“Okay,” Luke says.

He wonders why he ever thought this was a good idea.

“Life’s too short to be miserable,” Reid says. “And don’t you dare twist that statement. I mean it sincerely when I say I hope you have a happy life. But you don’t know what you want, and I’ve almost reached the breaking point.”

“I know what I want.”

“Heard that before.”

“What do you want Reid? From me?” Before Reid can move, he says, “I promise, if you want me to leave, I will. But would you please, just tell me?”

“I’m getting something to drink.”

…

Once Reid has gotten a drink and sat down, he sighs. “I’m not a placeholder. You have unresolved issues with Noah, and I probably shouldn’t have done any of the things I did, knowing that. But I’ve wanted you since I before I felt anything but utter contempt for you. You want to know what I want, Mister Snyder? Everything. It’s all or nothing.”

Nodding, Luke stands up. “Look, Reid, I’m not ready to have sex just yet, but if you just give me some time-”

Standing, Reid interrupts, “Of course, I want sex. Hence the wanting you before I even got close to not hating you comment. You’re not all that, Mister Snyder. If I like someone, if I’m falling in love with them, if no sex is absolutely a part of it, I’d deal. Hell, I’ve spent more time with my hand over the course of my adult life than I have in other men’s beds.”

“If you’re with me, you’re with me. You’re not wanting for Noah to come back or wishing I were him. You accept me for who I am. And you’d better take care of that kidney. I want the whole enchilada. If I’m going to put myself out there, fall in love with you, I’m not going to lose you.”

“That’s twice you’ve mentioned falling in love with me.”

“Oh, dear God,” Reid mutters.

“Are you okay,” Luke asks.

His answer is a head spinning, body tingling kiss. When it breaks, Reid pats his cheek and looks at him in such a way Luke is half-tempted to see if someone’s behind him.

“Listen,” Reid tells him, “I’ve been sleeping with someone. Who isn’t your business. If you’re willing to give this, you and me, a real shot, he and I are done. But on that list of things I want is trust. If I don’t want someone anymore or a relationship isn’t working, I flat out tell the person.”

“Anything else,” Luke asks.

Reid shakes his head. “That and food. Being fed is non-negotiable.”

“Yeah, I figured that,” Luke answers. “I want to give this, us, a real chance.”

“Okay,” Reid agrees. He pulls Luke into another intense kiss. When it’s broken, he continues, “I really do need to take that shower. But how does some coffee sound, later?”

…

Rotating his shoulder blades and letting the water hit them, Reid sighs.

Luke is probably still in the living room. Chris is in a hospital bed.

 _I love you_.

He knows how he’d have reacted to those words in med school. He knows how he’d react, now, if Luke said them.

He knows his lack of sympathy towards Luke’s complicated feelings towards Noah is hypocrisy at its finest.

Love makes fools of us all, big and little, has been stuck in his head for years. He realised staying with Chris meant forfeiting his self-respect and emotional wellbeing, got out, built his practise, and was blackmailed by a rich, entitled brat.

Luke loves too deeply, cares too much, and wants to change the world. His intelligence, his humour, and his strength are often obscured by his crippling self-doubt.

Reid often wonders if he should have kissed him when he did. He wonders if he should embrace the gratitude he sometimes feels for all the hell he went through in being dragged metaphorically kicking and screaming to this hick town.

Shutting the shower off, he dries off.

Crisis, later, he orders his brain. After he makes sure Chris isn’t going to die on him, he can figure out if there’s anything he can do about the idiot’s screwed emotional state. Then, he can hopefully try to make something with Luke.

…

“I don’t want a transplant.”

After making sure Bob and his wife aren’t around, Reid smacks Chris with a clipboard. “I’m not even going to address how petulant and ridiculous that statement is. Chris, your heart is too badly damaged to ever function properly. No transplant, very short lifespan. Is that simple enough for you? Or do I need to call Luke and get him to bring his middle sister and her box of crayons so that she can draw you a picture?”

Rubbing his head, Chris asks, “How are things going with you and him? Katie told me she gave him the key to her place.”

“Chris-”

“I’m just making conversation, Oliver. Don’t get soft on me.”

“If I weren’t soft, there would be no making conversation,” he grumbles. “We’re meeting for coffee, later. You can die for all I care, I’m not missing it.”

“Good,” is the soft response.

“So, is this one of these permanently awkward things?”

“I think so, yeah,” Chris answers. “Sorry.”

“Sorry for further screwing up your heart.”

“Worth it,” Chris answers with a small shrug. “Mostly,” he adds. “Look, we both know the chances of me getting a transplant are incredibly slim. If it comes down to a choice between-”

“Doogie, I promise you, I’m going to get a transplant for you.”

Kim Hughes appears with a large basket of various goodies. “Hello, darling.” Seeing Reid, she gives him a dismissive glance. “Oh, hello, Dr Oliver.”

“Hey, Mom,” Chris says.

“Listen, sweetheart, I talked to your father, and…”

While they’re talking, Reid checks Chris’s pulse, makes some notes in the chart, and leaves.

…

Sitting down, he declares, “I know I’m late.”

He’s not sure what he’s expecting, but Luke’s soft, almost indulgent smile isn’t it. “It’s fine. I know the hospital must be a madhouse. I ordered your usual. I hope that’s okay.”

In response, he lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. “You understand people. Or at least, you understand people far better than I ever have. Why is there an ungodly storm of people at the hospital? Doogie isn’t going to die from this. I refuse to let him.”

Stifling a laugh, Luke answers, “Well, it’s hard. You have absolute faith in him coming through, but the others aren’t lucky enough to have that. They’re afraid something might go wrong or luck will be against Chris, and he’ll- They want as much time with him as possible, just in case.”

Taking a sip of his coffee, he remembers being told the story of Lucinda Walsh’s gay ex-husband over a chess game. Luke’s kidney’s hadn’t sustained any further damage, but it was a stupid risk to take. “Life is short. Sometimes, it’s very short.”

Noah hadn’t noticed.

How could he have not?

Reid knew something was up with Chris before they fell back in bed together. He hadn’t realised how serious, but he’d categorised and made a note of something being off.

When Bob gave the ultimatum, Luke had known something was wrong.

What was Noah’s excuse for not knowing?

“Reid.” Luke waves his hand in front of Reid’s face. “Hey. Where’d you go?”

“Why didn’t Noah know about the drinking when that Brian guy was harassing you? Why didn’t he believe you when you told him what was happening?”

“Oh, wow,” Luke mutters. His shoulders slump. After a long moment, he says, “Eventually, he did know. He wasn’t a trained medical professional, and at first, I tried my best to hide it. Casey caught me drunk, and Allie did notice the signs. As for the other- Don’t insult him, okay?”

“I make no such promises.”

“He thought my disdain towards Brian was clouding things. I had a tendency to overreact to things.”

Shaking his head, Reid tells himself to keep all the unasked for thoughts to himself. Maybe, he’s finally learned something, though, he doubts it. “I need to get back to the hospital. Want to try breakfast, again?”

“Yeah,” Luke answers. As they stand, Luke leans over and kisses him. “Good luck, Dr Oliver.”

…

When they meet up later, Luke says, “Look, last night- I can tell you had more to say. By now, I’m as used to your blunt ways as I’ll probably ever be.”

“You are overdramatic, and you do overreact,” Reid says. “But when a person says someone is hurting them, you believe them unless and until it becomes absolutely clear you shouldn’t. Especially, if you love them.”

“Gee, thanks,” Luke answers with a face.

Trying not to laugh, he briefly looks down. “You’re not my first relationship.”

“I’d be surprised if I was.”

“I was in love once before.”

There’s a pause. “What happened?”

“He couldn’t handle things. It was full of pain. It came down to me staying in a relationship that kept hurting or get out and deal with the hurt that would bring. I knew society’s opinion and read the statistics. So, I got out. Suddenly, all the clichés about broken hearts weren’t so cliché.”

Tentatively, Luke starts, “When you say hurting-”

Rolling his eyes, Reid interrupts, “There was no hitting involved. A year before we got involved, he did punch me, but I don’t hold that against him. It’s not always about that. I never told him I loved him, because I knew he’d be out the door and in some woman’s bed if I did. We had fun together, but in public, we never more than two friends. He was never truly happy, and I would have literally given almost anything to make that happen.”

 _I love you_.

When Reid was a kid, he’d heard something about the person less emotionally invested in a relationship being the one who had the most power. At the time, he’d clung fiercely to the idea.

Getting in a relationship had quickly made him realise he didn’t want to, but holding to it had been a form of self-preservation.

Luke would have done, and still might do, literally almost anything for Noah Mayer. He’s never asked, but he feels confident enough to guess which one said ‘I love you’, first.

“Do you still- I don’t know, have residual feelings for him? I mean- it’s okay if you do. And this isn’t about Noah.”

“No,” Reid answers. “I still care for him, and I hope he eventually finds happiness. But when you and I broke up, I could have had him. He’s single, and he does still love me. I told you, I’m on my way to falling for you.”

Looking up, Luke says, “I know it’s Chris. Don’t worry, I promise I’m not going to say anything to him or anyone else. But I just felt I should let you know that I know it’s him. I was sort of eavesdropping,” he confesses. “I didn’t hear much, people kept coming down the hall, but I know you had sex with him after cancelling our breakfast.”

“Of course, you did,” Reid answers. Sighing, he asks, “Does this change anything? I’m not removing myself from the case.”

“I wouldn’t want you to,” Luke replies. He reaches over to touch his hand. “I trust you, Reid.”

“No more eavesdropping,” he orders.

“Got it,” Luke agrees.

Looking down at his watch, he says, “I need to go. If I have time, I’ll call you. If you’re free, we can meet up for lunch.”

“Okay,” Luke agrees.

Before they leave, he steals a kiss from Reid. “If we don’t meet for lunch, I’ll come after your rounds are over. Bye, Reid.”

…

“Heard about you and Luke.”

“On a scale, how outrageous are the rumours,” he inquires. “Has one of us killed someone or had an affair in the middle of the town square, yet?”

“You’re in love,” Chris answers. “Holding hands, stealing kisses, everyone can just tell by how you look at one another.”

“Not quite there.” He scowls at Dixon’s handwriting. “In three days, Noah’s going to come over to the farm to get some stuff.”

“He doesn’t want Noah.”

“We’ll see.” Looking up, he asks, “How are you doing, Doogie?”

“I’m bored, I’ve yet again disappointed my parents, and I know Jacob’s going to come back liking Aaron Snyder better than me. Play chess with me, later?”

“No can do. If I manage to get a lunch break, I have a date lined up. If I don’t, Luke’s going to come by after rounds.”

“I really am happy for you.”

“We all are,” an appearing Bob says. “Dr Oliver, about your surgery on Monday, I was thinking…

…

A week later, Reid is staring at Tom Hughes in disbelief.

“Chris was promised a heart.”

“Legally-”

“Oh, shut up, I know hospital politics as well, if not better than, you,” he snaps. “What are the options?”

“I’m appealing on the grounds of-”

“Yeah,” Reid interrupts. “You do that. I need to go somewhere.”

As he’s getting ready to leave, he pauses and looks in Doogie’s hospital room. Bob and Kim are playing with Jacob while Katie and Chris are laughing. The funeral for Nancy Hughes was two days ago, and Reid hasn’t slept much before or since. Katie loved Nancy, Jacob senses his mom’s ever-increasing stress, and Bob’s been spending more and more time with Chris and the rest of his family than doing rounds.

Last night, Luke had fallen asleep on Katie’s couch.

Sighing, he heads to his locker.

He’s getting that damn heart, he resolves, if he has to risk damage to his hands to get it.

…

In the locker room, Luke declares, “Reid, I love you, but I have to say: This is crazy. What are you going to do, put the heart in your cooler and-”

Tugging his shirt on, Reid says, “Whoa. Hold the phone. Rewind. What was that?”

“This is crazy. You have no workable-”

“Yeah, yeah, crazy, I got that part. Sentence before that.”

 He sees Luke mentally backtrack. “Oh,” he says. “I had a plan- but that didn’t work, obviously. Yeah,” he says with his tongue briefly running across his teeth and pushing against the inside. He looks into Reid’s eyes. “It turns out I’m hopelessly in love with you, Dr Oliver.”

Reid kisses him. “I’m going to get that heart. I’ll call you when I get there.”

…

Outside, he says, “You’re not coming with me. Just keep the crazy, vaguely incestuous circus occupied.”

“Just, be careful,” Luke sighs. “And for the love of God, try not to punch anyone or get punched.”

Leaning forward, Reid kisses him and keeps his hand on Luke’s cheek when he breaks the kiss. “I love you.”

When he sees Luke has fully taken the words in, he pats the cheek. “There. I said it.”

…

Stopping at the train crossing, he looks both ways.

 _Hopelessly in love with you_.

Last night, he’d dragged a sleepy Luke to his bed and fallen asleep listening to the steady breathing with the feel of the transplant scar secure under his hand. He’d woke up with Luke’s head against his neck and drool covering his shoulder.

As much as he hopes sex will be on the menu soon, he’d realised, he could genuinely be happy with just sharing a bed every night and waking up to drool in the morning.

Seeing no train coming, he starts to cross.

Suddenly, his car stalls right in the middle of the tracks. Sighing, he tries to undo his seatbelt but finds it jammed.

The sound of the train makes him freeze.

As it comes closer and closer, he stays frozen until a memory overtakes him.

_“You’re babbling.”_

_Soon after the statement came a warm hand on his cheek._

He tilts his seat back and wiggles out. The door’s also jammed.

The window isn’t, and he manages to get through it, winces when he lands on his ankle, and takes off running.

…

“Reid did what?”

Chris leans back in bed and takes steading breathes.

It doesn’t matter Reid secured him a heart, because, once Luke hears about this, Chris is dead.

“Don’t worry, darling,” his mom says. “Other than a sprained ankle and some minor bruises, he’s fine.”

He doesn’t answer.

Reid has always been mildly claustrophobic. He was almost run over by a train. He managed to get out by going through a window, walked despite his sprained ankle until he managed to flag a car down, and instead of getting to a nearby hospital or coming back home, directed it towards his original designation,.

“How were the passengers on the train,” he inquires.

“They were all fine,” his dad assures him. “Christopher, I don’t particularly like the thought of it either, but we need to focus on the positive. Reid is okay, and soon, you will be, too.”

“Right,” he mutters.

He refuses to cry.

_I do still care about you._

…

“I get Bob’s son a heart, and he decides to punish me. If he hates his kid that much, I don’t think he’s one to lecture about the greatness of family,” Reid grumbles.

Luke brings over a beer and a bottle of water and curls up next to Reid. “If he didn’t, I would have to. You didn’t even call me, Reid.”

“Next time, I’ll be sure to waste precious seconds grabbing my cell,” he retorts.

Kissing him on the side of the head, Luke says, “You know better. You did ask to borrow the phone of the person you flagged down, only to call and yell more abuse. You should have either come back or gone to the nearest hospital around.”

“I was fine.”

“And I’m going to be terrified every time you get behind the wheel.”

“I made a promise to several people I’d get Doogie a heart, and I’m a man of my word. But,” he adds, “I am sorry.”

Shaking his head, Luke says, “Well, Chris is doing well in recovery, and Bob won’t keep you away for more than a day or two, no matter what he says.” He reaches over and kisses Reid. “As tempting as it to just stay here, Katie could come back at any time. Do you feel up to going to your room?”

Studying Luke’s face, Reid reaches over and lets his fingers skim across any skin he can find. “If you’re offering what I think you are-”

“I am,” Luke answers. He steals a quick kiss. “I’m ready.”

“Near death-”

“Reid, provided you weren’t exhausted, I planned to do this when you got back. You coming back with a horribly swollen ankle and bruised hands put a damper on things. I love you, and you love me. I don’t need anything else.”

Nodding, Reid kisses him, carefully stands up, and lets Luke lead him to the bedroom.

**Author's Note:**

> Chris isn't sure if he really wants/is up for sex, but he don't express this to Reid and willingly decides to have it anyways. Afterwards, he accuses Reid of using sex as a tool of manipulation, and Reid doesn't directly deny or confirm the accusation. Whether he actually did or not is left up to the reader.


End file.
